I often think and talk about how 17-year old Shashank and 24-year old Shashank have less in common than 24-year-old Shashank and most any of 24-year-old Shashank's close friends. One of the ways in which I've changed is in terms of social agency. None of my friends today would describe me as socially inhibited, but there was definitely a point in time when that was my self-image.
One of the ways this manifested itself was a fear to host social events. I don't remember shying away from reaching out to people for one-on-one hangouts, but it was always crazy to orchestrate a group gathering. For the longest time, I looked at people who hosted things with a sense of awe - whether it was getting a group to go watch The Avengers or hosting a birthday party. I remember being extremely impressed whenever people were able to host parties in high school or early in college.
I think it’s often helpful to verbalize fears, or worst-case scenarios. In the case of hosting things, the failure scenario is not that I host a thing and nobody shows up. It’s that I host a thing, and one or two people show up. And I look like an idiot in their sympathy-overflowing eyes.
I let the cat out of the bag in the beginning of this post, but this is no longer a concern for me. My roommates and I hosted quite a few large parties in college. My friends and I hosted a 250-person housewarming when we moved to the city. I've marshalled together several large group dinners. I started a book club with a dozen members.
A couple weeks ago I hosted a park day with about 40 people in attendance. It was really easy to host, and friends were extremely helpful - in terms of driving us there, helping pack and carry supplies, bringing baked goods, the list goes on. People want to help. People want to be involved. Hosting things is inherently a mutually beneficial, dare I say unselfish, endeavor. People want to help you. I think this is generally true when you decide to do a risky thing and (woo alert) trust the universe, but that is a post for another day.
It is useful to realize that even the absolute worst case scenario is FINE (and the only way to realize this is by DOING IT). You will not die, of shame or otherwise. You will be okay.
Fine I'll throw a bone to SF-twitter - be agentic, host a damn party.
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